Time

Little details get my mind started,
A name on my agenda, that should have long been deleted,
and suddenly your skin, your voice, your lips, your witty sense of humor...

It's all still here, it's all still in my head.

A version of you that doesn't exist anymore, a you that should have long been forgotten,
a thousand moments that should have long been gone...

They say time heals everything.
Well, years have gone by, and obviously,

Time is overrated.

Stable

Changes are coming.
Looming in the next weeks, next months... I see them.
The easiest option is flowing with them.
In the midst of all these changes, the inaction keeps me... stable.

Or, you could say, dull.

Dripping

The future slowly drips into the present.
Six day-sized drops further, and the color of my life is much duller already.
My mouth feels dry, as my words must travel a much longer distance
not in a practical way, but surely spiritual.
My river of emotions has gone to dry up by the shore.
I wish I could see the waves.

Unsaid

I look at you.
I feel the clock ticking.
I act clumsy, I say superficial things.
I feel the air around me, as if it also is expecting.
I search my mind for the perfect words.
I feel my blood flowing, humming the passage of time.
I give up.

I would have said a thousand words more, and still, it would not have been enough.

So that that can not be described, that that is too big for human words, that that has had me floating in a storm like the dead leaf of a weak tree, that that has turned me into a clumsy superficial fool when I look at you...

That has remained unsaid.

Plan

I didn't really plan it. I didn't go looking for it.

It seems it has found me anyway.

I don't know how I could have expected to spend the rest of my life not finding myself.

Dance

She is dancing.

She seems careless, happy, unconcerned.

She is dancing. I am watching.

And while my feet are clamped by concrete, she dances my heart to pieces.

Today

Today... today I'm crying inside.

Taming the heart is always a sad business.